One of the key concepts from my life coaching course last year was that “75% of success is who you are being’’.
I could relate to the concept. I realised some years back, that I was far more effective as a leader when I behaved in alignment with who I was, rather than whom I thought others wanted me to be. As an example, I had a big team of Team Leaders reporting to me who were mostly older and more experienced than me. I tried to be smarter than they were because, in all honesty, they intimidated me. So I took on a set of beliefs and identity that I had to know all the answers. Wow, that was hard work, and I was always bumping heads with everyone. However, when I improved my self-awareness and was my usual curious self, I was more relaxed and willing to listen. My team could relate to me as they knew who I was and knew I cared. Then we could implement all the great ideas we came up with together.
We might be living with a view of ourselves and the world which doesn’t align with whom we need to be, to get what we want to achieve. The goal might be weight loss, exercise, a big dream, a next career step, or building our confidence or communication ability. Changes in habits or behaviours, especially require an aligned identity. If we don’t have alignment, it is then going to be very difficult to attain our goal. We bump up against obstacles that mean we doubt, fall back, stay still or give up.
However, if we have a mindset and identity that aligns with what we want to achieve, we can more easily see ourselves attaining the goal. Then we take different actions so we can overcome the obstacles, doubts and fears.
Coaching helps with mindset shifts through creating a greater self-awareness of how our emotions and identity impact us. We might try to vigorously head down a particular path, only to find we struggle due to our feelings or lack of preparedness in the way forward.
Think about an example at home or work where someone else’s behaviour is frustrating you. You might be behaving in a way which inflames the situation and makes you feel bad (even if you think it is justified). What do you believe about the circumstances and what identity are you playing out? Does that give you the feelings you would like to feel? If not, then time to move your mindset so that you believe in some other view, behave differently and get a different outcome. Ultimately, you can never control someone else behaviour, but you can control how you see it, how it makes you feel and hence how you act.
I have done much research on this concept, and the model in my picture today is the result. I use it with my clients to work through various situations when they arise to get the outcomes they want. The point of power is the focus, beliefs or identity we choose. That is what changes the outcome.
I also love this little video that explains in another way, the concepts of our logical brain working with such implacable things as our emotions. It helps to think about the driver and the elephant as well as the path. Have a watch.