Developing from the Negatives – 3 Tools for resilience and confidence

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I had a fantastic childhood in a loving family.  I am fortunate. However, I also remember times in my childhood filled with rage, sadness, and sometimes I thought the world was ending.

 

As we grow, we slowly learn to calm ourselves and “manage” our emotions.  That can be stuffing them down and appearing all calm on the surface.  I’ve been a bit of master of exterior restraint.  It did not feel calm inside, though, but I gathered that it was not ok to experience negative emotion.

 

We do everything in our lives because of an emotion: either one we like or one we don’t like. We are often not sure how to manage or change our feelings, and we often are unwilling to feel things we don’t like.  There are five essential emotions joy, fear, sadness, disgust and anger.  How we combine these emotional groups, and the intensity of the feeling leads to a massive range of emotions.  Most people could only describe a couple in terms of how they feel in their body.  We don’t seem to spend a lot of time learning about emotions, just experiencing them.

 

I find it interesting that four of the five basic emotions are labelled by most as “negative” however, we spend most of our lives trying to avoid negative emotions, pushing them away or resisting.  That’s a lot of unenjoyable time when emotions are just chemical reactions in our bodies, and they will not harm us.  Resistance makes them more durable.

 

However, growth does come from the negatives and learning how to grow means being willing to face and accept the negatives.  Sometimes my clients are nervous about the hurdles they need to jump.  However, they are always so proud of themselves after they achieve their goal. And with a high re-signing rate for the next purpose, I know they get value from the goal and strength from overcoming the hurdle.

 

So if you have a goal to get, we can help with overcoming what’s holding you back.  In the meantime here are three approaches to support when you are feeling negatives:

 

1.Time – nothing in life is forever, so take heart knowing that any unpleasant experience will eventually pass.

2. Sensations – If you are willing to feel the feelings in your body and not resist them, they will disappear more quickly.

3. Curious – stay curious about your emotions so that you can treat them as something to witness and experience rather than something to avoid and resist.

 

For more on emotions, take a look at this article, breaking down our five core emotions and how they develop into a whole spectrum of emotion.

 

5 Core Emotions

 

 

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