5 conscious ways of living for impact

After my breast cancer and emergency heart surgery nearly two years ago, I was very aware of how short life is, and started to think very carefully about what was important in my life. If I only lived a short time more, I wanted to know that I had made the best possible use of what time I had.

Over the past year, I have refined this for myself to think about what would make me feel I’d spent my life well.

1. How you make others feel
I know at times in my life, I have made others feel inadequate or less than capable, probably because I felt unhappy with my performance or how others might see me. I think this occurred for me as a leader and role model for my nieces and nephews, more than I would have liked. We all slip up, but it’s essential to keep getting better at making others feel good about themselves.

We are infinitely capable, but we often doubt ourselves. Spending time with others who make us feel good about ourselves encourages us to keep moving forward. Better yet, the people who support and believe in others, get to feel fulfilled, and their lives have meaning. Win-win!

2. Seeking solutions and being curious
I was listening to two people arguing the other day, repeating their arguments in various ways and they were both so adamant, they had long since stopped listening to each other. It occurred to me that if they could just put aside the issue of whether they were right or not they could have focused together on finding a solution, that to me, was a ½ way between their two points of view.

I think this is very often the case in relationships. We can be so focused on our point of view we don’t look at problems and solutions in the light of what would be best for the relationship, rather than the individuals in it.

Remaining curious and always seeking solutions rather than criticising or seeing the worst in others keeps us focused on the positive and moving forward.

3. Always moving forward
Sometimes we are impatient with ourselves for not going fast enough or achieving enough. If we are moving forward no matter how slowly it is progress and we should congratulate ourselves for our persistence.

Progress is progress, and even taking a wrong step teaches us more about what we want and what our next step should be. FAIL or ‘first lesson in learning’ is an important concept. Not being afraid to fail to enable progress toward a goal provides its momentum. Small failures on the way are far better than massive failures, through not taking a step or ignoring the obstacles.

We also sometimes need to slow down to create more happiness and validate our direction rather than keep turning up to the same challenges in the same frazzled state of mind.

4. Love beyond words
My lovely brother and sister in law yesterday gave us some platters as a wedding gift, and one of the phrases on it was “love beyond words” It’s a good summary I think to remind us that to be loved in life by friends, family and a partner is ultimately what we treasure.

Ben Howard’s song ‘depth over distance’ appeals to me for the same reason. I would rather risk feeling something fully and deeply than have it last a long time at half speed.

5. Meaning
What we find meaningful may be different to others, it may be the same, and it may change many times in our life or may remain the same all our lives. It doesn’t matter which of these applies, only that we keep seeking meaning or purpose to our lives and fulfilling this purpose as best we can.

We all stumble or lose our way as we go, and it’s not ‘weak’ to ask for help. It’s smart. It’s a common regret of people over time that they didn’t ask for help to enhance their career, get more meaning or balance their lives more consciously.

What is not in my list is money or possessions. It took me a lot of years to learn this.

What’s your definition of a life of impact? Are we getting all we want from life? What could we do differently to get and give more in life?